The truth

In the last 10 years, church life for us has been a struggle.  Not that we didn't love the pastors, or the people. It was the traditions that I was having trouble with.  Traditions that I couldn't find in the Word.  As I teach my boys, the Word must be our "plumb line".  If it doesn't measure up to the Word, then we toss it.  This goes for movies, books, habits, choices...and even churches.  I saw way too much money going for buildings, salaries, programs while I knew there were members hurting, hungry and in need of help.  What about the plumb line? How was it being justified?  I saw women in leadership, with young children, overwhelmed at their responsibilities...and the pressure was on that the "business of the church" was the most important. What happened to the teachings in Titus?  I saw people sitting in "pews" who were living lives that blatantly contradicted the Word...blatantly! Yet, they were given leadership roles.  I saw youth groups that exposed my children to the very things I was trying to protect them from by homeschooling because they wanted to "reach out" to the unsaved youth of the community....without requiring them to change. Did you know that 75 years ago youth groups were open only to the youth of the church?  Oh, they reached out to the unsaved but the weekly meetings focused on discipling the youth of the church.... and helping them to grow in their relationship with our Father.  It just didn't add up.

When I ventured to ask about some of these things I heard excuses such as "lifestyle choices", "can't pry into their business", "need to cover church expenses so we can keep operating", "programs are important", and so on and so on ad nauseum.  What I saw was that the American church "system" (for the most part) is built upon the traditions of men....and doesn't look at all like the description of a New Testament church.  Please don't take this to mean that I think all churches are bad...I know that there are many wonderful churches doing things the right way....I just couldn't seem to find one.  Everywhere we went it was "business" as usual.  I really mean that....the church system in America had turned into a business.  Follow x.y.z pattern and you should get a.b.c. results.  No wonder the world sees nothing different about us anymore.  We have collectively reduced our Father to a heavenly vending machine!

In the last 10 years, I have come to believe that the "Christianity" being practiced by the American Church is not at all what Jesus taught or modeled.  It was a long and painful process to get to that belief.  I held onto my Christian traditions tightly....but they just didn't measure up to the plumb line.  That may offend you but I can't find the picture of the typical American church system anywhere in the Word of God.  I am sure that my opinion will not be a popular one.  That's ok.

At the same time I have been going through the above, I have had this question burning in my heart because of the Thalassemia..."who am I" ?  Where did I come from?  Who are my people?  I didn't lie awake at nights because of this but I pondered it often.  I felt that my Father was wooing me down a path but I really didn't know where we were going.  Again,  a matter of trust. So we have been reading, learning about what church was supposed to be like, studying feasts and festivals and digging into the Word as a family...searching for His truths.

I was on the phone with my brother one day and told him we were thinking about trying to celebrate Shabbat.  We wanted to try that....sounded like heaven to me...great food, lots of family time and no work....lest you misunderstood that readers I said NO WORK.  What's not to like about that?  (By the way, it was a wonderful celebration!). My brother was asking me why (think about it...why would a woman who has been a Christian for 30 years be interested in celebrating a Jewish holiday!).  I explained my theory to him.  I told him that I thought there was a good chance that we were German Jews...I went through the whole story about our ancestry and the Thalassemia and the history of the settlement of Prussia, what I found in searching records from the Holocaust.  I also told him about the DNA testing that I fully planned to do someday when I had money to spend.

Mark was very interested.  He asked for more information and links.  He did his own reading and called me back to tell me he had ordered the DNA testing kit!!  Woo Hoo!  I was really excited.  He kept me informed when he got it, what he had to do and when he sent it off.  Then he gave me the links and passwords so that I would be able to look for the results when they were posted on the website.  I checked everyday.  EVERYDAY....for weeks!

And then they came!  As I read, my heart began to pound....I began to understand....my theory proved to be true!  I am Jewish....not only that but they can actually tell you what tribe and who your oldest known relative was (don't ask me how....but they do...and they explain it to you but it's very technical DNA jargon).

Our oldest known relative was Aaron, brother of Moses.   If I was to introduce myself to you as a Jew, I would tell you that my name is Chaviva bat Avshalom, daughter of the tribe of Levi, child of Yahweh, the most high God.

I felt like I had come "home".  I am, however, still trying to understand "home".  I have an entire heritage, a history of a people, customs and more that I am ignorant of....it will be a steep learning curve.  I feel like a toddler in a grown up body suddenly enrolled at college....what a lot to learn and I am way behind. Oh, how I would love to spend time with Messianic Jews, to glean, to learn more quickly...to understand.

The boys and I are continuing our Torah study, studying the holidays and trying to learn more.  Lest you worry, I have not fallen into the sector of the Hebraic roots movement that places people back under the Old Testament Law.  Jesus is the only way to our Father and He paid it all, took all our sins upon Himself on the cross at Calvary.  No one comes to the Father except through Him.  He is our righteousness.  It is a gift from the Father, not of works, so that none of us can boast.

However, I have studied enough in the last 6 to 8 months to know that there is a flavor and richness that is missing from our faith if we do not understand our Hebrew roots.  We have just cracked the door to understanding and the taste is sweet as honey.  We crave more.  It is a long way to the nearest Messianic assembly so we will have to content ourselves with our online studies and pray that our Father will place Messianic Jews in our path that can share with us...teach us some of the Jewish customs and their meanings.  Until then, we muddle through as best we can.

We would love to hear recommendations of books, links to websites or any other information that you, my dear readers, can share if you are further down this path than we are.  I've added a new category to my sidebar, Jewish Roots.  I am sure I will blog on this from time to time as we learn more so it is best to have a place to file the posts for those of you who are interested.

Oh, and one more blessing...at the same time we were going through all of this, our Father saw fit to direct our paths to a new church....whose goal is to operate exactly how the Word says a group of believers should operate.  It has been an exciting journey and our Father has been gracious and merciful to us.  That will have to be another post in the future.

L’Shana Tovah!