OK Moms...you know what I mean....as a young woman I had
I never thought I would say some of the things I have...I never thought I would *need* to say these things and looking back I can hardly believe these words have emanated from my own mouth. I wonder at times...is it because all of my children are boys?? Is this a southern thing?? Help me out here folks....I encourage you to leave me a comment with some of the things you have said to your little ones :)
1. Do NOT drink the toilet water.
2. Do NOT put anymore Matchbox cars down the toilet (said while taking the toilet up from the floor so that we could pull all of the Matchbox cars out of the plumbing line...)
3. Do not put that pea up your nose (oops...too late!)
4. Do NOT eat the pea that was up your nose (again...too late!)
5. Do NOT put the kittens in your pants.
6. Why did you squirt A & D ointment inside your door knob (and every other conceivable nook and cranny in the entire room)?
7. Why did you crack all of the eggs today? (Said to a 3 year old...response: to see if they were all the same inside)
8. Do not put your finger in the dog's rear end (said to a 2 year old who was fascinated with the body parts of a very large dog).
9. Do not pass gas while sitting on your brother.
10. Do not ride the goats/calves.
11. What do you mean "I changed the recipe a little"? (Said as I frantically reached for a glass of water!)
12. Do not put the cat on top of the chicken tractor to "see what the chickens will do".
13. Do not hang your little brother on the door knob by his underwear (this done in the hope of achieving the "ultimate wedgie"). Followed quickly by me declaring "You *will* pay for this underwear!"
14. Do not strip off all of your clothes, scream "naked" and run through the house...especially when we have company (said to a young child!....and why must it always be in front of someone I would rather be impressing with my child rearing abilities?)
15. No, you can not keep your worms/toads/turtle in the gas oven during the winter!
16. No, you may not trap the rat in the barn and keep it in your room.
17. Why is there a jar of LIVE bugs in my refrigerator?
18. What are all of these rocks doing in my dryer? (Said at least 100 times since I started having children...what IS it with boys and rocks?)
19. Who put this (fill in the blank with every creepy, nasty critter you can imagine) in my kitchen?
20. Do NOT pee in the dryer (said to a sleep walking child!)
21. What do you mean the BB jumped off the end of your finger and sailed up your nose? (said just before leaving for the hospital to have it removed...thankfully a sneeze dislodged the pellet which probably saved us hundreds of dollars!)
22. What do you mean you made wild onion soup? (said to my 4 year old as I looked into a pot of the nastiest, foulest smelling, dirt filled watery stuff *EVER*).
23. No, you may not shake the bees up to see what would happen (said to a small child while the hive was OPEN!)
24. What do you mean "have I seen the snake?"
25. Do *NOT* pee on the electric fence!
Although I can laugh now...I assure you that some of these had me so mad/frightened/upset that I was either in tears or ready to throttle my boys.
Now....how about you?
Posts
Cheri, these are hilarious. I am not a mother but I can easily imagine it. I have one brother 9 years younger than me who liked putting plastic bugs and lizards into my pillowcase/bathroom towel/end of the bed/favorite food, etc...
ReplyDeleteI am glad I am not the only one!!!
ReplyDeleteboys and rocks- yep,we have quite a collection. I have a daughter who likes frogs and thought it would be neat to see how far it could jump- on my mother's kitchen floor.
Why is the sled in the house? NOOOO! You can not use it on the stairs! You've already done it how many times?!?!
Who put the worms in the toilet? (My oldest daughter who thought it would be funny to see what her younger brothers would do.)
NO, you should NOT eat worms. I dont' care who said they were "good"!
It is NOT okay to tie Spiderman to the ceiling fan.
While it may be funny at home, it is not good manners to hang a spoon on your nose in a restaurant
No, biscuits can not be thrown at your sisters like coconut bombs. (After watching Swiss family Robinson) That particular movie gave my children many "ideas".
No, the baby mice in Granddad's barn are NOT pets. And we are not taking them home in the back of the van. (3 day drive) I don't care how adorable they are!
YOur right, I did say you couldn't pick up your baby sister, but that DIDN'T mean you could drag her.
I know you were playing "family", but putting the lug nuts to bed in Dad's truck bumper was NOT a good idea.
I have a little one who likes to see things flushed- we've retrieved straws, washrags, handtowels, and Little People (who were swimming in a storm.
The cat really doesn't need anymore lipstick.
I can't remember how many times I've said- "You did what?!?!?!"
This was a smile much needed today- thank you.
Tammara
We do NOT step on skunks! (Too late.)
ReplyDeletePlease, never again wear your loincloth when the social worker is here. You have to wear pants and a shirt.
I don't care if they weren't playing by the rules, you do not moon your friends.
The neighbors don't want to see you standing on the windowsill naked.
Let me know BEFORE you butcher an animal.
Stop peeing in the corner.
Don't climb the closet shelves.
Don't go outside barefoot when there's snow on the ground. I don't care if Frodo did it.
The toilet is not a good place to do a headstand.
Sleep in your bedroom, not the kitchen.
Stop doing your math on the wall.
Cheri,
ReplyDeleteYou made me laugh today. It was all the more funny because I know the kids!!!
When my Dad was sick and I was making lots of trips back and forth to Ky, Michael (The Adult Father) was in charge of the kids. After being gone for a long weekend, I came back home to find my children JUMPING off the 2 story deck to land on the trampoline. My heart about sank to my knees when I saw my young kids bounding off the side of the deck. I screamed something about what in the world were they thinking, and that was when they informed me that their Dad said it was a great idea and it sounded like fun!!!! I was wondering if he was asleep when they asked him or if he was watching a ball game. Apparnently he was outside bouncing on the trampoline with them at the time. I laid down the law after this incident...NOBODY is allowed to jump from the roof to the trampoline...I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR DAD SAYS!!!!
grace and peace,
julie
oh, thanks for making me laugh this morning! :)
ReplyDeleteso you know that I don't have kids... yet.
ReplyDeletehowever, rocks are not just a boy thing.
I used to shove my face full of broken asphalt from our driveway when my Mom turned her back...
my guess is that she said "Amanda, your not supposed to eat rocks!"
Cheri, I did not understand your blog. I thought all this was "normal" boy stuff. What is it that you ladies don't get? : )
ReplyDeleteBeing the mom of three grown boys, I could totally relate to many of the things you said. I once spent $85 to have a rotting piece of green pepper removed from one of my sons' nose. The same child also placed corn, pecans and wood chips from the playground up his nose. One of my most memorable quotes is "Do not put food you don't want to eat into your socks so you can flush it down the toilet later!"
ReplyDeleteI think ya'll covered most of them. I've said those things to boys more than girs and I think you should let them pee on the electric fence.:):):)
ReplyDeleteWe have had many things happen, but they still aren't funny to me yet, so I better not share them!
ReplyDelete